Agency Blues: Fun at Work

This post ain't 'bout the blues man. It ain't about my miserable existence at a forsaken place. This one is about fun and a missing person and not about missing person. This post ain't 'bout the blues.

Well after a long time, I had some fun at the place I call work. A colleague and has been AWOL for the past two days (Yes, that's a major concern here) and he might be asked to leave once he is back. But, that did not stop us from having a little fun at his expense.

 
Design: Rajesh Jain
Copy: FOS
 
Update: The missing man was fired from work on June 7, 2011.

Inspirational Quote

And a brilliant one at that:

"Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day, you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls — family, health, friends, integrity — are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have beginnings of balance in your life."

— James Patterson, Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas

 

So now, thanks to me, you know which balls are actually important and how to juggle them. It's cool, no need to thank me.

Agency Blues: Confirmation Anger

We all know what it feels like when you are promised something and it doesn't happen. In our personal lives, it hurts but in the professional world, it pisses you off. To such an extent that you want to enact most of the scenes portrayed by the disgruntled characters in the movie 'Office Space'.

Today's anger is directed toward most of my top management. I was supposed to be confirmed after a probationary period of 3 months. It's going to be 6 months now and when I finally garnered the courage (Yes, there are times when I am absolutely timid about confrontation) to talk to the Powers that Be, I got this curt response. "We will decide on Monday, after speaking to Revenges and the Boss." It has been 3 months since the fuckin' stipulated 3 months and they haven't decided as yet? Typical H. effin' R.

Now, I know for a fact that Revenges hates me. And he has the ear of the Boss. So, I am sure that the Boss doesn't like me too. Apart from that, the Boss has already fired close to six people to save costs. And whatever said and done, I don't come cheap. So, I am a cost liability. Therefore, when we add 2 + 2 and make it a number that I want it to be, it could mean only one thing - Termination. Come to think of it, Revenges does look like Arnold Schwarzenegger of yore.  

It's not so much blue as it is red today and you will find me scheming to recreate some of the scenes from the Office Space at my agency from Monday. Yes, I will wait till Monday 'cause you never know, they may promote me because of my laid back, chilled out attitude. Don't believe me, read this. 

Yeah! The clown in question was me. It's unbelievable that I haven't shared it with you guys till date.

Anyway, time to say goodbye. Pray that what I'm hoping for does happen and I am not hoping for a promotion.

Cheers!
A Black Blob. 

The Voices In My Head Say...

Do Not Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit -
Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

Since the author of this post is unknown, I am going to credit it to the voices in my head. (In case you copyright infringement fucks are reading it, I'm just kidding alright.)

But it is not necessary that I listen to the voices now, is it? 

These two beautiful verses make sense in life, true? But I don't think they were not written for a crappy work environment. Talking about crappy, Crapvertisement is sporting a brand new post. Go and check it out simply by clicking here. 

And regarding the 'Don't Quit' Movement initiated by the voices in my head, I 'm not going pay any heed to them. Plans are in motion. Watch this space for more.

Agency Blues: I feel the blues

"There's a hard life for every silver spoon.
There's a touch of gray for every shade of blue.
That's the way I see life.
If there was nothing wrong...
Then there'd be nothing right."

— Shinedown (Shinedown - The Sound Of Madness) 

OK, not that I was born with a silver spoon, but life has not been quite the way I would have liked it to be. I have not complained till now. What's the blog for, you ask? Well, it was a tool for me to rant and share. Share and rant, a blah blah here and a blah blah there. But you know these days, I am suffering from the blues. And here's why...  


I know the immense potential of the jokes on the name of my workplace. But now the Six Inches up my ass is kind of getting painful.

I was asked to stop my looney behaviour. Yes, seriously! People who run an ad agency actually had the audacity to discourage the very behaviour that leads to great ideas. Then they asked me to quit playing games, not with my heart but on my computer (That little spot was sponsored by CrazyDaisy and the Back Street Boys). There is a lot more. I feel there is a conspiracy but I disregard that because I feel that the powers that be have no clue how to run an agency.

So, what happening is every morning I wake up not wanting to work.What do you guys think is the cure to my blues? What do I do to make things right? or wrong...

Agency Blues: Overheard (Anger)

I overheard this interesting anecdote at work. Unrelated to my trials at work but a story that does want you to make a difference, maybe...

An Indian and a Japanese were waiting at a bus stop in Japan. When the bus arrived, the India got in by inserting the required amount to open the doors of the bus. The Japanese did the same once the India entered. The Indian, once inside the bus, asked the Japanese "The door was open such that both of us could have entered. You could have come in without paying a single yen."

The Japanese guy's reply floored the Indian. He said, "I do not want to cheat my country."

Whats the connection? Sign up for this and let's start by stopping cheating our country and thus, ultimately ourselves. http://ipaidabribe.com/

I said maybe at the start of the post because even in a group of friends, you cannot get people to agree to it. If they were in Singapore, they will gladly stop spitting, littering and/or accept the harshest of fines and punishments meted out to them. But out here, they feel it is alright to do as they please.

This "follow the leader" and "crab" mentality is sending our country to the dogs. Let's stop that.

New Blog!

Summer has arrived and I have trimmed all my chest hair. But that's not what the new blog is about. What do you mean why? It's too hot people. But now it itches.

Oh! you mean why a new blog? Well, the idea was planted (Inception style but without the fuss and the kicks) when I came for an interview at my current firm and my friends Let Me Be and CrazyDaisy.  Let Me Be, CraizyDaisy and I would keep making fun of certain brands (One of them is already made fun on in the new blog) regularly and that's when I thought, we should put this down. When I interviewed with Six Inches Communications, yes, my current agency is called Six Inches Communications (@Pussy, you didn't know that, did you?), they asked me to rewrite the campaign for an ad that I disliked on Indian Television.

Thus, the urge and the (not-on-my-chest) itch grew stronger. To celebrate the completion of three months at Six Inches, I came up the blog. And without further ado, I announce Crapvertising officially open! Go ahead and check it out by clicking on the link.

And listen, if you guys have anything intelligent to contribute or wish to be a part of the blog, write to me at ajayd81[at]yahoo[dot]com. Cheers!

And do let me know, out there or over here what you guys think.    

Agency Blues: There is someone worse then EW

In terms of hair, you have balder men. In terms of colour, you have Leo, who I can say (in muted whispers) is darker than EW. In terms of intellect, there was Minni. But EW was unrivaled in the jokes department. There was no one willing to take the bar even a notch lower. A sad joke in the Stoned Circle is still called a Hermanism.

Not anymore. Something strange happened today. A colleague was asked (in Hindi), "Tu peeta hai kya?" [Do you drink?] His reply was, "Meri shaadi nahin hui hai!"

I didn't bother to ask for an explanation thinking that there was miscommunication somewhere. But the guy went on to explain that since he wasn't married, he couldn't have a child and because he didn't have a child, he was not a pita or a father.

I just spat out whatever I was eating. On him!

They say that a joke is really bad if you need to explain it. One thing about EW was that his jokes are bad but not bad enough to require an explanation. Sorry EW, we have found someone worse than you!  

Weddings, Waters Blue and Self Propaganda

Let's begin with the wedding first, shall we? MM, being MM, called us on the 4th of Jan to tell us that he is getting married. The repercussions of which were to be felt a little later. Even then, he insisted that it was tentative. Atom-D went ahead and booked the tickets and out set Willy the Silly, A-D and moi.
 
The wedding was a nonchalant affair much to the pleasure of MM's hitleresque father. Once you get to know his dad - the strictest one ever known to any child, then you realise why MM has turned out exactly the way he is.

Because MM didn’t involve us in the wedding, I had a lot of time to wander around, my camera in tow and click some shots. Non-involvement in the wedding party put only one thought in Atom-D’s mind – “Blue Waters”. We went there the day we arrived, we went there the next day, we went there on a Saturday night, which was the most fun and then we went there on Sunday.

The Saturday night trip was the most fun. We were denied entry, which is nothing new. I was used to being a stag in my days in college and right up till about two years back. Ever since Emily has walked in to my life, I have never gone to discs or pubs that demanded couple entry. Oxymoronic, I know. But on that fateful Saturday, saw us struggling once again to gain entry as single men, but this time we were obese, ugly, and a good 10 years older that the average crowd men. Maybe that’s why they didn’t let us in, you know, we were bringing up the average age of that place. I tried explaining it to my good friend A-D but to no avail He was hell bent on getting in. He begged the bouncers, much to my embarrassment. He called people, again to my embarrassment. He went out and begged again. He called up other people again.

Just before I was about to melt with shame, we gained entry. Each of us was 800 bucks lighter and the entry fee promised us only one free drink. And guess what, the drinks on Saturday night are double in value and as good as drinking in a pub in Mumbai. Anyway, the adage of the night has only begun rang true for the umpteenth time.

After we entered, Willy, yes Willy was hit on by a bunch of firaang women. I’m not being condescending here but when we guys get hit on by women, you should know that there’s something fishy going on. After a few seconds of ribbing Willy about what happened, we noticed the women fleecing the guys sitting next to us. This trio of women went on to con about four other guys for shots, drinks, water and food. Atom-D at the end was cursing me and Willy for not letting him encourage the girls. It’s not like he would do anything but that’s Atom-D for you.

Then there was a Christmas miracle, or so I thought. One pretty looking girl came and spoke to me. Yeah, I know! Never in my 6 six years of Manipal life and 29 years of existence has any girl ever, ever, spoken to me in a pub. They even haven’t dared to ask me for a cigarette. Man, you should have seen my face. As you guessed, this girl too turned out to be a con artist.

Atom-D called up anyone and everyone we knew, from UK to Timbaktu to tell them about the night. We spoke about the night the whole of next day to anyone who cared to listen. Even though the wedding and the trip were just passable, this one night made out trip memorable.  

The images of the wedding are up on Facebook. My uncle also launched his second boat to fish in the Arabian Sea. I was there with my Nikon D5000 (you can stop applauding and whistling, please. It’s a little embarrassing) to cover the event. And I have clicked some more and am using a generous and abashed helping of Social Media to propagate my captures. You can view my choicest and favorite pics here or here. Please go through the images and criticise, like, comment, etc. Basically, give me your feedback. 

Also, note that Atom-D’s image has the highest number of views that I have ever got in my life. Gives me the same thrill that I experienced when the girl spoke to me. OK a little more. Kidding. Or am I?

Another One Bites the Dust

And another ones down...

Miracle Monger has decided to tie the know on the 29th of this month. Atom-Dom, Willy and I are planning to attend the wedding and the pre-nuptial festivities.

I am planning to buy a swanky new DSLR before I leave so hopefully you guys will be treated to some good images of the horrific looking MM.

So till I'm back, wish him luck and me, a bon voyage!