The Quitter’s Diary: Day 1

It’s the 10th of January. The previous night and all trough the day, I had this terrible fight with Emily regarding my addictions. Readers of this blog and most of my friends know the excess I believe in. I can’t stop at one drink. Hell, I can’t even stop after 10. I can’t stop at one J (I’m doing weed and hash sporadically – it’s even less than once a month) nor can I stop at one cigarette. At the end of our conversation, I decided that this will be the last day that I smoke. I checked the packet, there were three in them. I smoked one on my way to her place, one on the way back and left one for home.

I reached home around 10:30, and I was to sleep around 12 because I was supposed to visit my uncle’s place the next. My cousin’s getting married you see. I smoked the last one left in the packet at quarter to 12 and then went off to sleep.

I got up in the morning without feeling a thing. I knew I wanted to quit and the good thing is that I can’t smoke in front of my mom or relatives because of some weird factor. I still don’t know what it is and if I get through this, I will not care. Anyway the get together at my uncle’s got over by 5 and we were back home by 6 in the evening. That’s when the withdrawal hit me. I had an argument with my brother. My mom who was pointing at my mistake got a good telling off from me for no reason at all. I left in a huff to meet Emily. She was late and I was standing just next to the cigarette vendor. All the voices in my head were collectively urging me to buy a cigarette. One won’t do you any harm they said.

I reluctantly agreed and started walking towards the cigarette vendor. Something happened, and I snapped out of it and ended up buying a packet of chewing gum instead for the same amount. The voices were not happy and the craving was just getting worse. Luckily Emily came by and I was distracted.

We went out for dinner and all I could think of was that smoke. Oh! How badly I was craving for one. A reward for not smoking the whole day wouldn’t be bad. But the reward came in the form of a drink. It was ironical, I usually smoke a pack and half when we sit to drink but today, it was a smoke free drink session. I finally called it a night earlier than usual because my body is tuned to not smoking at home.

Sleeping was difficult but I managed through 24 hours of being smoke free. I thought the next day would be easier. But…