Monday, June 09, 2008
26 years, 6 months, 9 days, 15 hrs and five seconds I still haven't a clue in the world when it comes to what I want to be doing for the remaining years of my life. Assuming that I live till 50 - at least, I have gone beyond half that mark completely oblivious of what the coming times have in store for me. Every stage of my past life had an excuse attached to it which justified the postponement of figuring out my goal in life. Till school it was "Get good marks in 10th, then I'll see", touch college, "11th and 12th are common years, one decides just before completing 12th (in my case - when a second was remaining!),". Engineering opened the gates to freedom - "Now I have 4 years to decide", 5 and a half years down the line in engineering, my marks card would describe itself loud and clear - USELESS!. Back in Bombay, started working for a measly salary, "Everyone has a slow start, its normal.". Today, my latest one, "It will come to me.....in time!" Great..! So i think to myself, maybe a book on excuses is where my destiny lies!
Somewhere in a management book they said, a S.W.O.T. analysis gives you a clear picture of where you stand and where you have the potential to go. Tried analyzing myself similarly:
Strengths: Yes, I'm strong!
Opportunities: Have always made the most of them. (Try inviting me to a party with free alcohol!)
Threats: My mom slapping me around in the middle of the night in my state of drunkenness!
So yeah, as you can see, books need not always be right. The next step was to get an outside opinion, so spoke to a lot of people, did I! Now, suddenly i have myriad goals. Each one was quite convincing in their pitch, taking me from "Oblivion" to "Confusion", which probably should be my second name. (Ask me to select between ANY two or more choices and you'll know why!) Off late, I'm working on being a well read person, and ironically the first topic i decide to read upon was "TIME". So now i know how time is measured, read, conceptualized, incremented, and even surpassed - all except for how do I make use of it well, as it passes by. Ask me what went wrong, and ill conjure at least 10 different explanations, all government approved. Ask me what to do right, ill pretend not to hear you and give you another 10 explanations for what went wrong!
One day i hope that my last excuse might come true and I'll retrospectively laugh and tell myself "I knew it!". But till then, each passing minute tags along the harsh reality of the nothingness that I might whither into if i don't focus now, and HARD. I would love to convince myself that everything will turn out fine, things will end up great, and I will have that beer stream running in my backyard. But things don't happen, and beer streams don't appear out of thin air. Unless one knows where he wants to go, he can never reach there.
I wanna go somewhere, I wanna reach somewhere.
I might take longer, on the way, may faulter.
Not one in a crowd, but one to shout aloud.
I will be somewhere, I will reach somewhere.