Friday, December 28, 2012

What to post?

I guess that's the question. My last post was on 18 June. And this year I've managed the lowest number of posts ever in spite of writing this one. It is a total #fail on our part.  I still say 'our part' because this was supposed to be a combined effort and my two cronies have been M.I.A. since f*ck knows when.

MM has his ship engines to tend to and EW got married and is now using all his funny bones to entertain his cute kid. The kid looks like his father but without the colour. That, thankfully is his mother's. Nature has saved him from scoff early on.

I've had a colourful year too. My trip to the Himalayas went much better than expected (you can read all about it here. Yes, that's a new blog. Another one to help me neglect this one.
But worry not. Next year, you will see a lot more on this blog (pinky swear). My resolution is to think more, jot down the thoughts in a lovely journal and just post them here, there and everywhere. But knowing how my brain works, the question, "What to post?" will still continue to haunt me.

Oh yeah, before I go, wish all our readers or rather just you my dear Pussy, compliments of the season and a grand, beautiful and joyous New Year.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Agony before the Odyssey

Petrol prices have risen across the country and how! The common man is ruing their shameless act of handing the reins of the country to corrupt and indifferent pansies. 

But I have other things on my mind. Like this list that I drew up of my expenditure on my ride till date.

Registration for the Odyssey
Railway tickets
Renewal of bike insurance
CE approved Jacket
Totally cool knee-guard
Tank bag
Fine for crossing CC’s limit
Gloves for winter touring
Gloves for summer touring
Fleece gloves
SDHC Card for the camera
Extra camera battery
Thermal inners
Duckback raincoat
Camelback hydration pack
Socks for winter use
Regular socks
Bungee cords
Fleece Jacket
Medical supplies
Pocket knife
Bike transport
Bike repairs and preparation


All figures in INR

I still need to purchase a torch, a couple of locks, get duplicate keys for my bike and maybe purchase dri-fit tees. So, this list will be further updated. Bank account will be given a boost by borrowing 40k from my mom. Yes, I have to do that even at this age. But that’s life.  

Yeah, and now, I can run 4 km without getting tired and do 50 push-ups in 3 sets. So, there’s no chance of me coming back on fitness grounds. The only thing now to hold me back will be the rising fuel prices. And, what good will a Rs. 2 roll-back do? Now that I’m headed to Delhi, I might as well ask that question.

Monday, May 14, 2012

The #HO2012 Update

The training for the Himalayan Odyssey 2012 is in full swing. The 28k to register for the event has been paid, hotel room sorted and train tickets booked. There is one small matter though. My leaves haven't been approved. So there is some 'squeaky bum time' on that front. I'm planning on going regardless. Watch out for my agency's articles in line with my famous Agency Blues articles. I'm sure I'll be cast as the chief antagonist, foiling all their perfect schemes.  

In terms of weight loss, I now weigh a cool 79 kgs. A 10 kilo drop from when I began. I now manage 3.5 kms in 25 minutes (a combination of walk and run) and can do 30 push-ups. With just a month to go, I have to push myself further.

Wish me luck.   

Monday, April 09, 2012

I want to be the biggest loser

I know what the most ardent readers are going to say. They are surely going, "Dude, you always were one of the biggest losers around!" New readers, you will opine the same once you go through the blog. I can't change that but what I am about to change is my weight. Now I can hear you all go, "Ah...". Yes, with ellipses and all. 

My 'Quit-smoking' chronicles are stuff of legends now. By the way, there was no blogpost to commemorate it, but I completed 2 years of a smoke free existence. Two-Fuckin'-years. Now, I'll make that bold. Two-fuckin'-years. In your face nicotine. However, all's not hunky dory in Fat-Old-Son land.

In these two years, Fat Old Son has lived up to his moniker. After I quit smoking, I went from being a light-weight person of about 70 kgs to a rotund (but cute) being of 89 kgs. But if you thought that reaching one short of the magical figure of 90kgs spurred me on to become the Biggest Loser, you are wrong. That's not the reason why. This is:

(Image obtained from You can see it here.)
Please don't sue e for using it without permission.  
This gruelling trip is a test of both man and machine. I am sure that my machine can handle it. But I am so terribly out of shape that for the first time, I actually have no analogy to provide. Anyway, the prerequisite for the event is physical fitness. One must be able to run 5 km in 50 mins and do 50 push-ups.

Being the 89 kg weakling that I am, I can't manage more than 4 push-ups at the moment and I can't run for more than 2 minutes continuously. And, that's why I have signed up at Big Loser, India in the hope that I stay on track to achieve my goal and remain motivated enough. Also, I will be donating about 1,900 bucks to charity if I do lose all the flab hanging loose.And, you never know, in my quest to becoming the biggest loser, I might be the ultimate winner.

I'll keep you guys updated. Shameless self-promotion to follow. If I do manage to sit on the bike and ride through the Himalayas, I'll b live-tweeting the event. Follow my updates here.

Till I reach 70 kgs my readers (don't worry, you will hear from me much sooner). Ciao. 

Update: I have joined the gym. I can now run about 3 kms in less than 30 mins. And I weigh around 84 kgs. Sweet right?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

What's up Scoffers?

Well, if you see the amount of posts this year, you would be wondering what I was up to. Was I roaming the jungles of Africa, finding the cure for AIDS from the very place where it originated? Was I looking for a way to satiate the greed of politicians and lobbyists around the world?  Or was I searching for peace, nirvana and the zen way of life?

The answer my friends is not blowing in the wind (sad joke, I know). You know what this humble narrator was up to all this while? I, my dear readers, was busy selling my soul to the corporate world. That's right. I have managed to get myself a cozy job and become a corporate whore! 

I have been so inundated with work that I've had no time for family, Emily or even you guys. But, an apology is in order. And so is an update of sorts.

I turned 30 on 30 December. Once again, a huge party was thrown in my honour and a huge crowd gathered to congratulate me on reaching the milestone. It was a small matter that 29 December happened to be EW's wedding night. OK, I'll wait till you close your mouth, wash your face, etc. Now that you have snapped back to reality, it's true. EW has tied the knot and got married in a grand ceremony. Pics here. Start with 'Fals & Herman - Part 1 of 7' and move upwards to till you have seen all the photos. Appreciate each and every photo that appears in the albums Part 6 of 7 and Part 7 of 7 as they were clicked by yours truly. Except for the ones in which I'm there. Those weren't clicked by me (obviously! Geez, how dumb ARE you guys?). 

And, if anyone is wondering why EW's cousin - his own flesh and blood - has put Fals' name before his while naming the albums, STOP. If you know EW as well as I do, you'll know that people will put anything and everything before EW. For example, if there was this really corrupt politician about to die in a raging fire and at the same time, somehow, you could save EW from getting raped by a really horny gay gorilla, who would you save? I, as I always have, would leave my friend to his plight and save the politician. Then, I would make the politician buy some alcohol, sit and drink it with him and make an MMS of the love fest between EW and the gorilla. In fuckin' HD, baby! I would also go to the extent of sending it to most of the BJP's MLAs too. That's how much we love EW, don't we?

Anyhoo, after the delving into such erotic depths, my brain needs a breather. I'm sure yours do too. So, here take a look at some baby turtles make their way into the big bad ocean. For images that will make you go, "Awww", click here. If you can't view the awww-inspiring photos (see what I did there? Dude, that's the reason they hired me as a Copy Supervisor), it means that you are part of my family that has somehow found this link. Yes, I have restricted your view of most of my profiles for obvious reasons. You guys are faster and louder than that Aaj Tak guy.

Getting to the big three O has somehow made me bolder and  quite unabashed. So, don't get irritated by the sporadic self promotion in places, the graphic description of animals or even things raping EW. Don't be surprised if I put up a pic of a good friend's ass. Yes, I have quite a few of them. Don't say I didn't warn you. Oh! FYI, the good friend in question is male.

Before I make a further ass of myself, here's hoping that all our readers (a total 5 in number according to Google Analytics) have had a great first three months of the New Year. May you make your firm, clients and business more money in the rest of the year than I have made mine in the first three.

Wait, I'm not signing off. After long I have gotten a chance to speak here (and long may this continue) so, I want to take this opportunity to tell you guys that some announcements are coming your way. No. I'm not getting married. Just yet. And, no there's no cure for AIDS. Nor have I found nirvana. But there are a few things I wanted to do before I turned the big three O, which I hope to accomplish by the time I turn three 1. So, watch this space for more. Many more updates to follow.

Till the next post amigos! Ta ta. 

Friday, January 27, 2012

50 Things to Know About Dating an Arsenal Fan

Putting this up here because it's important for Em to know.

1) No phoning during the match
2) For a 3 o clock KO on a Saturday, dont expect me to be around to do anything between noon and 8pm
3) If its a big game and we win, dont expect me home for dinner
4) If i choose to go abroad, your not coming, deal with it
5) If we lose, lets just fuck rather then make love
6) Yes, I do love arsenal more then you
7) If we win and I choose to watch MoTD, please dont annoy me with stupid questions
8) No texting during a match
9) If we lose, NEVER say the words "its only a game"
10) If we lose, dont ask me whats wrong, thats just a stupid question.
11) We will have subscription to Arsenal TV....No arguments.
12) Arsenal on the TV takes priority over anything. Including child birth, i'm sure the baby can hold on for 90 mins
13) I would turn gay for Cesc Fabregas
14) When the boys come round for football on the tele, I only want to see you if you are brining beers to us
15) A mans arsenal shirt and socks is much sexier on you then any underwear or nurses uniform you may own
16) If you want to plan a wedding in advance, make it a Thursday, as that is the only day I can gaurantee arsenal wont play
17) Dont ask what happens on the pre season tour to Amsterdam, it will only upset you
18) Me going to a game can not be used to justify you going on a girls night out
19) Me going abroad to follow the arsenal can not justify you having a girls weekend in Edinburgh
20) If any of your family are spurs fans, dont be suprised for family do's to end in a fight
21) Owning last seasons shirt is no good reason not to buy this seasons.
22) If I must tape an Arsenal game and the only tape in the house is that of our wedding I will go straight ahead.
23) If I start shouting "TONY ADAMS" during sex you are not to complain.
24) If you ever say that Nicklas Bendtner is cute it is over
25) Me spending £1000 on a ST does not justify you spend £200 on a new pair of shoes and a bag to match
26) Me spending £40 on a game ticket does not justify you buying Take That tickets
27) If we have kids, I will name them: Girl; Francesca, Denise or Roberta, Boy; Terry Henry, Tony or Nwankwo
28) Me singing footy songs/chants does not mean you can sing any pop hit.
29) The photo in my wallet is supposed to be of Emmanuel Eboue and not you.
30) My religion is Arsenal, Jesus is not an Arsenal player and can rightly fuck off.
31) Yes, ive been to the game, yes ive watched football first, yes ive watch MOTD, but do not moan when i watch MOTD again sunday morning rather then cook your breakfast
32) Yes, all the arsenal players are sexy, but only i am allowed to say that
33) Arsenal bed covers are not childish
34) Regardless of how good I actually am at playing football you will encourage me and say that maybe one day Arsene will be watching.
35) You will learn how to pronouce all the players names properly (and yes, that does include the reserves and youth team)
36) If you even think about asking how the offside rule works you will be hit faster than you can say "I walked into a door".
37) I work hard to go to football, not pay for you
38) I dont care if its Peggy's funeral, Arsenal in a CL group stage dead rubber is more important
39) When we move house, the most important factor is how far from highbury it is, not where your friends/family live
40) If I choose to watch arsenal 2-0 win at liverpool to win the title or the invincibles repeatedly, and cry at the end I shall
41) I will invite all the Arsenal players to our 10th Wedding Anniversary, if they do not accept you are not allowed to invite anyone in their place.
42) The picture of me with my best mates friend who is the cousin of the guy who cuts Thierry Henry's hair is not coming down from above the bed.
43) You will grow a David Seaman style moustache, if you are unable to grow one we will pay for the treatment (you will pay for the treatment).
44) My pet goldfish Cesc and Kolo are more valuable then your Chihuahuas Paris and Britney
45) No I will not have a picture of you on my phone....It will always be the arsenal badge
46) The spare bedroom shall not be used as your walk in shall be used as a shrine to the Arsenal.
47) I dont care if its your parents golden wedding anniversary, i'm going to the arsenal
48) Crying when arsenal win a major trophy does not make me a baby
49) You must only think of one thing when i mention this number
50) Want a divorce? thats ok, I still have the arsenal. BYE!

I'm kidding about no. 50. Or am I?  

And this post hasn't been written by me. It has been lifted from here.