My mom and my dad are not what they seem.
Their dull appearance is part of their scheme.
I know of their plans. I know their techniques.
My parents are outer space alien freaks!
They landed on earth in spaceships humongous.
Posing as grownups, they now walk among us.
My parents deny this, but I know the truth.
They're here to enslave me and spoil my youth.
Early each morning, as the sun rises,
Mom and dad put on their earthling disguises.
I knew right away their masks weren't legit.
Their faces are lined - they sag and don't fit.
The earth's gravity makes them sluggish and slow.
They say not to run, wherever I go.
They live by the clock.
They're slaves to routines.
They work the year 'round. They're almost machines.
They deny that TV and fried food have much worth.
They cannot be human. They're not of this earth.
cannot escape their alien gaze,
And they're warping my mind with their alien ways.
For sinister plots, this one is a gem.
They're bringing me up to turn me into them!
-- Bill Watterson