New Blog!

Summer has arrived and I have trimmed all my chest hair. But that's not what the new blog is about. What do you mean why? It's too hot people. But now it itches.

Oh! you mean why a new blog? Well, the idea was planted (Inception style but without the fuss and the kicks) when I came for an interview at my current firm and my friends Let Me Be and CrazyDaisy.  Let Me Be, CraizyDaisy and I would keep making fun of certain brands (One of them is already made fun on in the new blog) regularly and that's when I thought, we should put this down. When I interviewed with Six Inches Communications, yes, my current agency is called Six Inches Communications (@Pussy, you didn't know that, did you?), they asked me to rewrite the campaign for an ad that I disliked on Indian Television.

Thus, the urge and the (not-on-my-chest) itch grew stronger. To celebrate the completion of three months at Six Inches, I came up the blog. And without further ado, I announce Crapvertising officially open! Go ahead and check it out by clicking on the link.

And listen, if you guys have anything intelligent to contribute or wish to be a part of the blog, write to me at ajayd81[at]yahoo[dot]com. Cheers!

And do let me know, out there or over here what you guys think.    

Agency Blues: There is someone worse then EW

In terms of hair, you have balder men. In terms of colour, you have Leo, who I can say (in muted whispers) is darker than EW. In terms of intellect, there was Minni. But EW was unrivaled in the jokes department. There was no one willing to take the bar even a notch lower. A sad joke in the Stoned Circle is still called a Hermanism.

Not anymore. Something strange happened today. A colleague was asked (in Hindi), "Tu peeta hai kya?" [Do you drink?] His reply was, "Meri shaadi nahin hui hai!"

I didn't bother to ask for an explanation thinking that there was miscommunication somewhere. But the guy went on to explain that since he wasn't married, he couldn't have a child and because he didn't have a child, he was not a pita or a father.

I just spat out whatever I was eating. On him!

They say that a joke is really bad if you need to explain it. One thing about EW was that his jokes are bad but not bad enough to require an explanation. Sorry EW, we have found someone worse than you!  

Weddings, Waters Blue and Self Propaganda

Let's begin with the wedding first, shall we? MM, being MM, called us on the 4th of Jan to tell us that he is getting married. The repercussions of which were to be felt a little later. Even then, he insisted that it was tentative. Atom-D went ahead and booked the tickets and out set Willy the Silly, A-D and moi.
 
The wedding was a nonchalant affair much to the pleasure of MM's hitleresque father. Once you get to know his dad - the strictest one ever known to any child, then you realise why MM has turned out exactly the way he is.

Because MM didn’t involve us in the wedding, I had a lot of time to wander around, my camera in tow and click some shots. Non-involvement in the wedding party put only one thought in Atom-D’s mind – “Blue Waters”. We went there the day we arrived, we went there the next day, we went there on a Saturday night, which was the most fun and then we went there on Sunday.

The Saturday night trip was the most fun. We were denied entry, which is nothing new. I was used to being a stag in my days in college and right up till about two years back. Ever since Emily has walked in to my life, I have never gone to discs or pubs that demanded couple entry. Oxymoronic, I know. But on that fateful Saturday, saw us struggling once again to gain entry as single men, but this time we were obese, ugly, and a good 10 years older that the average crowd men. Maybe that’s why they didn’t let us in, you know, we were bringing up the average age of that place. I tried explaining it to my good friend A-D but to no avail He was hell bent on getting in. He begged the bouncers, much to my embarrassment. He called people, again to my embarrassment. He went out and begged again. He called up other people again.

Just before I was about to melt with shame, we gained entry. Each of us was 800 bucks lighter and the entry fee promised us only one free drink. And guess what, the drinks on Saturday night are double in value and as good as drinking in a pub in Mumbai. Anyway, the adage of the night has only begun rang true for the umpteenth time.

After we entered, Willy, yes Willy was hit on by a bunch of firaang women. I’m not being condescending here but when we guys get hit on by women, you should know that there’s something fishy going on. After a few seconds of ribbing Willy about what happened, we noticed the women fleecing the guys sitting next to us. This trio of women went on to con about four other guys for shots, drinks, water and food. Atom-D at the end was cursing me and Willy for not letting him encourage the girls. It’s not like he would do anything but that’s Atom-D for you.

Then there was a Christmas miracle, or so I thought. One pretty looking girl came and spoke to me. Yeah, I know! Never in my 6 six years of Manipal life and 29 years of existence has any girl ever, ever, spoken to me in a pub. They even haven’t dared to ask me for a cigarette. Man, you should have seen my face. As you guessed, this girl too turned out to be a con artist.

Atom-D called up anyone and everyone we knew, from UK to Timbaktu to tell them about the night. We spoke about the night the whole of next day to anyone who cared to listen. Even though the wedding and the trip were just passable, this one night made out trip memorable.  

The images of the wedding are up on Facebook. My uncle also launched his second boat to fish in the Arabian Sea. I was there with my Nikon D5000 (you can stop applauding and whistling, please. It’s a little embarrassing) to cover the event. And I have clicked some more and am using a generous and abashed helping of Social Media to propagate my captures. You can view my choicest and favorite pics here or here. Please go through the images and criticise, like, comment, etc. Basically, give me your feedback. 

Also, note that Atom-D’s image has the highest number of views that I have ever got in my life. Gives me the same thrill that I experienced when the girl spoke to me. OK a little more. Kidding. Or am I?

Another One Bites the Dust

And another ones down...

Miracle Monger has decided to tie the know on the 29th of this month. Atom-Dom, Willy and I are planning to attend the wedding and the pre-nuptial festivities.

I am planning to buy a swanky new DSLR before I leave so hopefully you guys will be treated to some good images of the horrific looking MM.

So till I'm back, wish him luck and me, a bon voyage!

The Quitter's Diary - Year Review

The midnight of 9th January last year, I made a promise to myself and after a year of smoke free existence, I had the following proclamation to make on twitter:

At midnight, I have completed 1 year of #smokefree existence. If after 13 years of being a chimney, I can #quitsmoking, then so can you :)

Yes it is true. If I could quit, then even you can too.

I spent two years of Junior College perfecting the art of smoking. I was caught twice. Once by my mom because my lab partner ratted me out and the other time, thanks to my moralistic coaching classes. I promised my parents that I would quit, but I never thought I needed to.

Manipal saw me progress from a 7-a-day-Goldflake Kings (Bada Goldflake for Mumbaikars) to a 20-a-day Wills smoker. On a visit to Mumbai, a friend's uncle had been admitted to some hospital that had a special ward for people who smoked Wills but that too didn't deter me from the evil of smoking. All it did was make me switch from a terribly strong brand to a lighter brand of cigarettes - Goldflake Lights. I smoked 20 a day for the next 9 years. Every new year I would decide to quit but I would just end up smoking 10 a day for a week before moving back to smoking my mandatory 20s.

Then finally, a year back, I decided to free myself from this habit. It worked and I don't foresee myself going back. The first few days and weeks are chronicled. You can begin here and move upwards. It was tough. I figuratively bit peoples' heads off in the first few days. Then it all went away - slowly but steadily. I still, albeit rarely get the pangs. A sudden urge to smoke. The urge can be laughed off now. All this because I made a promise to myself. A promise that I will never smoke. Ever. Again.

P.S.: I am also proud that I influenced one friend to quit, who in turn has influenced two of her friends to quit. Not that I am a quit smoking evangelist but if you ever need help, moral support or you just want to talk, give me a shout out.  

Agency Blues: "Revenges"

The New Year, as usual, brings with it the promise of a new theme. Presenting the Agency Blues.

After the huge success of my post - 10 comments baby! (even though the comments were a conversation between me and my good friend Pussy) - on how my Client Servicing Executive is adept at listening, I am going to write all my (OK. Whatever I think is funny) agency experiences under one theme.

Why "Revenges" you ask. Well, the Surname of my Copy Head when translated from Hindi/Marathi translates to Revenges and here is my usual (yes, usual) interaction with him.

I had to come up with a line for the Six" World Cup. Before you perverts go on a joy ride in your minds, let me clarify that I now work at an agency that goes by the name Six".  Yes and I have trouble adapting there because I am bigger you know. Like a big fish in a small pond. Anyway, I digress; Focusing back on the main topic:

Me and Revenges had to come up with a line for the Six" World Cup scoreboard and I instantaneously came up with "Boss, score kya hua?"  But Revenges had other things in mind after reading my take on the line. His feedback was:

"The line should have rhythm..."
"Then, make it spunky..."
"C'mon the line should motivate the teams...Think of something on those lines"

After I came up with a few lines that adhered to the above mentioned criteria, I was told, "Keep it short." When finally I gave up, Revenges comes up with the following line: "Boss, score toh bol."

Yeah! My 9 hours at work usually pass by like a breeze. A breeze that contains the stale scent of meat mixed really well with the breath of a thousand ogres.

Wish me luck.

Greetings for the New Year

We at S.C.O.F.F. have this year's resolutions already made and we would like you guys to follow them too.

(Image stolen from here)

Before we forget, wish a Very Happy New Year! In this new year,

(Image courtesy oatmeal)

'10: Let's Rewind

Another year has gone by and as never been our custom, we will recap what good and bad this year did to us.

January saw me kick the butt. In a fit of self gloating and endless posts on how I'm coping, I can now reassure our readers that I have not yet gotten over the habit. It still haunts my dreams and the need for a small drag keeps creeping up. But I must say (some more self gloating) that I'm surprised that I possess some will power. The downside? Guys, I'm officially weigh 85 kilos and considering the amount of exercise I get, I won't be surprised if I stay that way. Yeah, I added about 15 kilos since I quit.

The first month also saw EW bag himself a stellar gal. The grapevine has it that he is serious and plans to marry her soon. He hid the fact that he was in love from his one true friend (me) because he was worried that I would vomit it out publicly. Well, it took a good 11 months, but vomit I did.

The month of Feb was an exciting one. Some useless sod crashed in to the rickshaw that I was traveling in and in the entire fracas I was left with several bruises and my right hand in a cast. But the silver lining was an acrimonious exit from a company that I rejoined (If you went with us to college, then you wouldn't bat an eye-lid if you came across this term). This time tough they made sure that I'll never return.

The World Cup came and the world cup went. Quite frankly it was one of the most boring WC's ever.


All this while, EW has been going from strength to strength in AK's Talent Academy.      

December, Oh beautiful December! I joined an agency called Six" Communication. Even tough I like to proclaim that i was hired because I'm well endowed, I can't lie to you guys. I was hired because I am talented, skilled and brilliant to work with. The size of my penis had nothing to do with it. And no, this is not a porno production house. But frankly, something isn't right at this place and I'm already looking for another one. The one bright spark other than Christmas was the wedding reception of EW's sister.

Decmber also saw me kick a different kind of butt. On EW's birthday, I toasted the fact that there was a never a dull moment with him around. Approximately 24 hours later, that toast proved to be right and there we were in a fight. Look, I am not attempting to rhyme there but we did end up trashing (I want to drag that as far as I could but in retrospect, it was not funny because...), yes trashing a friend of the groom. Shame, guilt and a slight remorse ensued but the night was something that EW's entire family will remember. And it's not because the wedding was brilliantly executed and loads of fun. Never a dull moment when he's around.

I guess, that's it. Hope you guys had a great Christmas and we (yes, all three of us) pray that you have an exceptional New Year.
 
Cheers!

Top 12 Signs You May Be Addicted to Evony*

1. You legally change your name to your server ID
2. You have to rebuild your trap each time after the mailman comes to your door
3. You keep looking for abatis at the horsetrack.
4. Despite having no knowledge of engineering or carpentry, you manage to build a functioning trebuchet in your backyard.
5. When people ask if you had a nice Christmas, you reply "Christmas? When did that happen?"
6. You drive by some lake and think, "It will be a level 9 tomorrow."
7. Your girlfriend/wife tries to shake you awake and you just moan and roll over, but when she tells you your bird is flashing, you jump up and run out of the room.
8. You see a North Korean military parade on the news and think, "I could take that"
9. You give your co-ords instead of your address when ordering a pizza.
10. The Parks Department and the National Forest Service keep sending you letters asking you to cease placing flags with your name on them in the local parks and forests.
11. You drive by a forest and wonder, "How many archers  are in there?"
12. The judge tells you that mailing your neighbors to "get out of your 10 miles area or you will NPC their houses" is an anti-social behavior!

 You relate to all 12 points after reading them.

*This is a copy-paste job. This gem was sent to me by Lord Obelix of the MavLion alliance.

Fuck You Peking Tom!

I had a terrible experience at a restaurant I frequented until this happened -  

I strolled in to Peking Tom last night (3rd October 2010) with a few of my friends to watch the EPL clash between Arsenal & Chelsea. We made just before Happy Hours ended. And maybe that was one of the reasons why the usually mild mannered and courteous staff turned obnoxious and rude. We ordered a 'tower' and two cocktails. They argued about getting the free cocktails entitled to us but eventually got them after realizing that it was they that made the mistake. The height was when they asked us to finish the two towers within an hour. Like I mentioned, we managed to squeeze in our orders just before the happy hours ended (around 8:30) and we were told that we had to, yes, HAD TO finish the towers by 9:30. Since there were only three of us that were sipping on the beers, it was humanly impossible for us to finish in the stipulated time. What proceeded next infuriated us further. We were levied the charge of an extra pitcher because we could not finish the towers in time. Our protests had the Captain walk up to us, use abusive language and ask us to teach him how to talk to customers when asked to tone down his volume.

All I want to say is that, being a regular, I will really miss going there because the food is great, the ambience excellent and apart from yesterday, the service excellent. But nobody, I repeat nobody treats their customers like that. Even a Shetty's bar and restaurant knows how to treat their most unruly customers. It's sad that because of a two people, they have lost out on five customers that have visited the place for more than 4 years.

And because of the entire ruckus, I could not watch the game in peace either.

The review is up on Burrp! http://ow.ly/2NTbL

 I urge our readers to avoid this place. There are better ones in the vicinity.