GOA: December '08

This year's trip to Goa was absolutely mellow, surreal and serene. I wasn't sober though. I had vowed to never do chemicals again and I could keep this promise made to myself only because of the fuckin' terrorists. Something good did come out of those attacks, I guess, depending on how you choose to look at it. I still see the world from a wierd 90 degree angle. The one that you get with a strained neck. Anyways Goa, due to the attacks on Mumbai, was on high alert and due to that the tourism industry out there saw a dearth of tourists. Which again translated well for me. Me and a couple of friends were the only people in most of the off beat shacks that we visited.

I stayed there for free (A first for me). Didn't get wasted (Again a first). Didn't attend a rave (Another first). Actually there weren't any because of the lack of firangs travelling to India. And I was in Goa for five days (definately a first). And I rode the water scooter, which I must say was nothing short of exhilarating and I was screaming like a girl throughout the ride. I can hear EW say that I always scream or rather behave like a girl, but what can I say ride the scooter and see for yourself.

Since nothing untoward, extraordinary, adventerous or anything remotley funny happened there, I have nothing to write about. So go through the pics below and leave no comments. We are used to that by now.

The pics were clicked when we were at Palolem, which according to me is a pristine beach. It was kind of crowded, albeit with pale skins, but the beach was extremely beautiful.

And yeah, I am seeking funds for a new DSLR. Contact me and I will provide my pay pal details.



























EW, Al, Setore and I are planning on visiting Goa in March once again and hopefully that trip will be eventful and will have something to write about.

My exile ends!

First of all I would like to wish you guys a very happy new year. Hope it was rocking, smoking and extremely drunk *boilk!*. I had a nice one and I hope this new year brings you and your family peace. Yes! peace. Something that we take for granted. I want peace at home, then in my neighbourhood, at the signal that leads to the highway. Peace at work, in the pub that I frequent and most importantly in the fuckin' world.

The fag end of 2008 was disturbing to say the least for us Mumbaikars. Actually wait! 2008 as a whole was infuriating. First, the nephew of the soil held us ransom by opening his trap and that led to his arrest, the death of some bihari, Mumbai bandh, etc. Then we had 10 pakis that came in, holed up in the Taj and Trident. They went on to mercilessly execute the guests staying there and the pride of our special forces took three fuckin' days to kick their butts to hell. We as a city got pissed, tied black bands around our arms to show our protest, held rallies, candle marches, solidarity meetings, asked for the guilty (from among our own) to step down. Two months down the line, very few of us actually remember that something like 26/11 took place. Blasts and now gun weilding men have become a part of our lives. So, what is it that we can do?

I am going to stop cribbing about the state of things and will do something about it. I have decided on printing out newsletters before elections that will describe all the candidates that will go on to represent my constituency in detail (I will require help for that, so all donations are welcome ;)). I have also decided to vote. I'm going to invoke the Rule 49-O if I feel that all the candidates are not worthy enough to represent me in the parliament. I will not pay bribes to get any of my official work done or get out of trouble. Even if that means parting with three grand and/or spending a night in jail because of drunken driving. Before any of you advise me I know that one way to avoid that would be not to drink and ride but then we are not living in Utopia, are we?

My next resolution is to do whatever I feel. I am going to the Himalayas, the Far-East and to New Mumbai. Travel by train, plane and my bike to most of these places. Plans are not just going to remain plans but will finally materialize into something substantial. Inshallah!

The next one is to complete my animation that is factually based on EW's life. The trails and tribulations that he went through as a kid and is still going through. There will be a lengthy scene on his lack of hair and the reasons for it. Watch this space. I also want to rehash a Dylan song or maybe just shoot a video for 'Masters of War'. I'm sure EW will help me out on that one. But he is kinda coy about posing for the animation. A little moral support will do, so please voice out that you want to see him in the animation.

The last one and most important one is to write and update S.C.O.F.F. regulalry. The reason why nothing was posted, other than me growing in to a fat lazy bastard, was that this site was blocked in the office and I do nothing in terms of uncreative thinkging on Saturdays and Sundays. EW has his won reasons. He was watching his hair grow all this while.

So my friends, the exile has ended and we, at least I have come out of the doldrums. This is the year of doing!

Now Announcing: Weekly Tripe

Good day our dear readers! Let me start of by expressing how disappointed I am by the lack of comments for my previous post. No one, except two souls (EW and Shanz) appreciated the work of art that the Mallu dance turned out to be. You guys have no idea to what extents I went to make that item number absolutely hilarious. Sob! Such contempt is unwarranted. So get cracking. Read the fuckin' post, savour the images and view the videos and let me know how you felt.

Before I go ahead and let you guys in on what we have in store for the blog and our reading public, here is a little update. Miracle Monger ahem! actually I would prefer if he would call himself the Galleej King, has reached the United Kingdom and has hinted that he wishes to ramble and sing on the blog once again. So EW and I are looking forward to that and wish him a great and eventful life there. That's that for now! And to the news that eveyone was waiting for with baited breath.

Since the inception of the blog we have been posting our happenings very sporadicaly and the intention has been to increase the regularity of our tripe. So from this week or maybe next EW and I are going to take turns to blabber, ramble and dish out bullshit every week. I was always wanted to convert this site in to a daily blog, but knowing how busy we guys are in wallowing in our own laziness, it seems as distant as India winning a football World Cup. But the weekly thing should happen as Ew himself came up with this plan and I'm as committed to the cause as ever. So I guess it should work out. Fingers crossed everyone and let's hold a candle for about a minute and then light our Js with it. Seriously, I'm hoping this works or else EW's words will come true. He said that the blog is turning in to another medium of communicating with each other. I don't want that to happen, I really don't because there are times now that the two of us have nothing to talk about. So it's now time to RAMBLE ON!

Leaves are fallin' all around, time I was on my way
Thanks to you, I'm much obliged for such a pleasant stay
but now it's time for me to go, the autumn moon lights my way
for now I smell the rain, and with it, pain
and it's headed my way
Aw, sometimes I grow so tired
but I know I've got one thing I got to do

A-ramble on, and now's the time, the time is now
Sing my song, I'm goin' 'round the world

From now on my sign off is going to be until next week folks.



PS: My dear EW, it has been unanimously decided (by me of course) that the onus is on you to publish the first article of the weekly tripe. So get crackin'.

King of good times

Update: For all those who came in late: Please ignore this message. For the rest, fresh pics have been added for viewing convenience and pleasure. I have promised to upload the videos and will be doing so shortly.

Regards,
I think I need a change in the nick - FOS

Well, the good times are back and my office - the firm that I left for crazily beautiful greeen pastures but soon realized that the weed on the otherside was dry and didn't have any THC content and hence I came back chewing my cud- is holding it's annual party. The folks back here are buzzing with extreme activities, and no, they are not skydiving or bungee jumping or even free falling. I wish some people would bungee and I'd be standing on top of whereever they are jumping from with garden scissors just to snip that rope. But no, it's different this time. Our firm has completed five years of profitable existence and it's time to celebrate. So the people are busy practising dancing, singing, skits, etc. I, for the first time ever, am going to feature in a fashion show. Please stop hooting and wondering HOW! Yes, my beloved skeptics, it's true, I'm opening the show albeit as a drunk, but I'm an integral part of it. It's probably down to the fact that there aren't any people better looking than me, women included. *FOS smirks a bit and says to himself "I love myself!"*

Anyhoo, other than the fashion show, I'm also part of this dance routine that is more comic than EW's jokes, my humour and Raju Shrivastav. You get the picture, hopefully. No? How EW of me. View the rehearsal video here:



[[Video of the dance and fashion show will be put up after the event. Did I forget to mention that it's tomorrow? I guess I did. So folks, the events tomorrow.]]

[[Hopfully some scandalous pics will be posted here]]

Alrightie! The event went off really well and for another time in my life I was so sloshed that I lost around 24 hours of my life. Yup, 24 hours! I remember reading the time at 20:34 on Friday and I woke up not remebering a thing I was put through the next day at 1800 hours. The people back in the office have recounted what I did to them and quite frankly it's no longer embarrassing. Maybe I am used to it. But the details of the crap that I put people through will not be disclosed on this post. Sorry, you have to meet me for that.

Towards the end of the night I was supremely confident that I would reach home on my own, which I did of course, but I don't remember shit. All I remember is being in awe that the rickshaw driver knew my address to the dot and then struggling to open the door of me palace for at least 15 minutes. Then I got up only at 6 in the evening after falling asleep, well, I don't know what time. So it was *boilk* *boilk* *boilk* and some more *boilk*. The thing that happens the next day. It's called a hangover I'm told.

Anyways, Friday morning was amazing. We (read jesubahi Patel, Phil and I) were extremely funny. Here are a few pics of us on stage crooning to the La Bamba, play acting on the guitar.



















After enthralling the crowd with a sublime mix of excellent guitaring and soothing vocals, we came on about two hours later to dance to the tune of 'Make Luv' by Room 5. Pics here:

















For my final act of the evening, I was the Cowboy from Hell. Actually just a normal drunk cowboy. But I like to call myself the cowboy from hell for it makes me sound cool. And that's what I am, cool! Anyways I was expected to be serious and throw around attitude but the only thing I managed was a huge grin on my face. Pics follow (maybe a little later, but I promise they'll be there. I swear by the sun and the moon and the stars. They'll be there):

There'll be a video of the event distributed I'm told. Being the narcissist that I am, I will definately edit and upload the parts that I am in.

Frankly speaking, apart from the few embarrasing moments that I went through that night, it was definately a day that I enjoyed. And since I have recovered significantly (I was put off by the very mention of alcohol the whole of Sunday), I look forward to a few more good times that this firm might have to offer.

Till then my sweetie pies. Ciao!

My Animation and some more tripe

Yes! as you guys know, I wear many masks, my personal favorite being the one of kkkkkrrrriiiissshhh, as well as I harbour many hobbies. Not any normal ones I would like to clarify. I love to jump across buildings, woo strange looking women that never end up sleeping with me and damage government and Ambani property among other things. But my humble and submissive alter ego wants to be an animator and one of the first things that were required of me was to create a small show reel to collect the certificate from the institute that I did the course in and to help me get a job. Well, frankly speaking, I haven't been able to do both - A) collect the certificate: because I'm lazy and B) get a job: because my animation looks like this:



Its sad because this post will finally be pushing this post of mine to the archives. *PLease think of me saying this line in my typical mallu accent* Oh! what a great actor I am! Keeping up with the e-learning tradition, Click here to view FOS' old post.

Anyways I ain't no kkkkkrrrriiiissshhh who did not need to work or even Bruce Wayne. Basically I ain't no cunting superhero at all, so I need to work. But the latest buzz word is that a major animation studio has shut down because of lack of work. Does this mean I'll be stuck in what I am doing for the rest of my life. FUCK NO!!! It's scary and already there are nightmarish images of me chained to an obsolete comp and old and shabby - Oh wait! that's already happening here! GOD! Save me.

I'm hoping and praying and keeping fingers crossed and also working on something to better the animation that was shown above. Oh yeah! your comments, however sporadic, are welcome as I need whatever feedback I can get on how to improve this one and the ones to follow.

Caio.

The Latest in EWs life

*The Latest EWism*

The question here is does this happen to you? I sincerely hope not. Because if it does, don't bother to share it as you would have fallen to the lowest level in my eyes. Well, EW usually manages to pick himself up and that's why I adore the man that he is. Completely oblivious.

Anyone who has known EW for more than an hour will know his tendency to willingly place his foot firmly in his mouth. Here is the latest FITM moment brought to you in association with....Ahem! Just get on with it.

EW and his girl were having a cozy and romantic evening all by themselves at home. EW decides to flatter and further woo his future life partner by saying something stunningly in the moment. So he swaggers towards the photo of a latest upcoming heroine, picks it up and proclaims, "You are not half as good looking as her!"

No need to laugh if you don't want to, just pity the fool and take your hand off your mouth. If you ask me I wasn't as shocked as i should have been because I have known him for more than a decade now. There are many more, limitless and infinite chatter that the boy has come up with. If I start noting all of it down, I'm worried I might hog all of cyberspace.

In other news, I lost my dad to cancer last sunday - the 13th of July 2008. He was a good man and didn't deserve to die. *Disclaimer: Cliches to follow* Don't ask me how he died but ask me how he lived. But seriously, the attendence at the funeral and the condolence notes and messages that followed were overwhelming and vindicated the fact that the man had touched many lives. I was supposed to write a full fledged eulogy but I didn't have the time last week and now I am back to work. And I can proudly say that My Father is now in heaven. May his soul rest in peace.

Take care guys! Until another death or a murder of words by EW. Ciao.

Guess Whos Back!

Shady's back! First of all I would like to welcome myself back to writing posts here. Like MM says, our bog is totally self obsessed and that we are the same too. Hell ya dude! Anyways the reason that I'm writing once more and again is because I joined my old company again and this is my first day here and I have loads of time on my hands as my comp hasn't been set up as yet and won't be until tomorrow. What better to do than to bore anonymous readers on what's happening in my life. It was quite strange getting back especially since I did everything right. Right from departing amicably to coming crawling back (for a better and new improved salary, of course!). I said it was strange because I was expecting a rapturous welcome and garlands and shit. And once again MM's words ring in my ear, "You are self obsessed dude!" MM has been the voice of reason behind my thundering madness. For more on what he thinks about me read his testimonail on my orkut page. It's good, I can promise you that. But there was no welcome man! I mean I'm like the best thing to happen to the world. The ultimate worker, friend, colleague, etc. I'm getting carried away here. Coming back to the reason why there was no welcome: The people back in the aisle have got pittances as hikes. The reasons given to them are plenty. Plenty bullshit! if you would ask me. But no one does and this is the platform where I vent out my fury. So, in a country that has seen inflation rise to more than 11% and fuel getting more and more unaffordable, which again has an exponential effect on other commodities, is a hike of 4% in the CTC justifiable? Yes! & Hell no! The positive reply is from the dreaded management which has its reasons: Poor work, not up to the mark, we gave you a hike last year that you didn't deserve, we just don't like your face, etc. Excuses, however well planned and executed, do nothing but infuriate their opposite number. The 'hell no' was everyone elses cry. Ask the mortals who plan their finances well in advance and do not envisage such partly sums to be given out. Again, is it justifiable?



So why am I raving and ranting and so pissed off? Because now my friends are planning on looking out for better opportunities and rightly so. No one is once again thining about me and why should they? Their world does not revolve around me and neither does mine (revolve around them). I came back for reasons of my own which can not be disclosed to the folks on the net. The other thing is that the IT tracks each and every word that we type out here so all I want to say is that I'm happy to be back but will be sad to see the backs of the people I really like working with. People who have put the company before their own well being. Oh! How I hate such people but this lot that slogs their ass so that others can enjoy their retirement in a villa by the sea in any goddamn counrty they want is extremely lovable.

Seriously speaking I wasn't expecting a welcome and I am extremely apprehensive about the next few weeks, the time when I will actually be required to work. But what to do? I'm back. Back to where the swipe card feels like a chain with the ball strung around the neck instead of the leg, back to having that heavy feeling early in the mornings. Back to the grind, back to being a corporate bitch and slave. All this for every fault of mine.

PS: A good friend, Cynnocent has provided a stunning and beautiful insight on the working of the corporate world on her latest blog http://aliveinthesunlight.blogspot.com/. It's a good read, so go ahead. Happy Clicking!

Cheers,
FOS

TO DO or WHAT TO DO!

26 years, 6 months, 9 days, 15 hrs and five seconds I still haven't a clue in the world when it comes to what I want to be doing for the remaining years of my life. Assuming that I live till 50 - at least, I have gone beyond half that mark completely oblivious of what the coming times have in store for me. Every stage of my past life had an excuse attached to it which justified the postponement of figuring out my goal in life. Till school it was "Get good marks in 10th, then I'll see", touch college, "11th and 12th are common years, one decides just before completing 12th (in my case - when a second was remaining!),". Engineering opened the gates to freedom - "Now I have 4 years to decide", 5 and a half years down the line in engineering, my marks card would describe itself loud and clear - USELESS!. Back in Bombay, started working for a measly salary, "Everyone has a slow start, its normal.". Today, my latest one, "It will come to me.....in time!" Great..! So i think to myself, maybe a book on excuses is where my destiny lies!

Somewhere in a management book they said, a S.W.O.T. analysis gives you a clear picture of where you stand and where you have the potential to go. Tried analyzing myself similarly:
Strengths: Yes, I'm strong!
Weaknesses: Prawns!
Opportunities: Have always made the most of them. (Try inviting me to a party with free alcohol!)
Threats: My mom slapping me around in the middle of the night in my state of drunkenness!
So yeah, as you can see, books need not always be right. The next step was to get an outside opinion, so spoke to a lot of people, did I! Now, suddenly i have myriad goals. Each one was quite convincing in their pitch, taking me from "Oblivion" to "Confusion", which probably should be my second name. (Ask me to select between ANY two or more choices and you'll know why!) Off late, I'm working on being a well read person, and ironically the first topic i decide to read upon was "TIME". So now i know how time is measured, read, conceptualized, incremented, and even surpassed - all except for how do I make use of it well, as it passes by. Ask me what went wrong, and ill conjure at least 10 different explanations, all government approved. Ask me what to do right, ill pretend not to hear you and give you another 10 explanations for what went wrong!

One day i hope that my last excuse might come true and I'll retrospectively laugh and tell myself "I knew it!". But till then, each passing minute tags along the harsh reality of the nothingness that I might whither into if i don't focus now, and HARD. I would love to convince myself that everything will turn out fine, things will end up great, and I will have that beer stream running in my backyard. But things don't happen, and beer streams don't appear out of thin air. Unless one knows where he wants to go, he can never reach there.

I wanna go somewhere, I wanna reach somewhere.
I might take longer, on the way, may faulter.
Not one in a crowd, but one to shout aloud.
I will be somewhere, I will reach somewhere.

Life's A Trippy Thing

My pot is filled with flowers, my grass is bright and green,]
My tears brewing in my cup, and still I make the scene.
[But just don't try to change me, I love the world I found,]
I've got to fly my own sweet way, and don't you shoot me down
--Frank Sinatra

This pic was sent to me by a long lost friend....who in our times of friendship was as blank as a clean white board....who in his state of conciousness drifted through those couple of months that we were together...giving the word "Clueless" a whole new meaning..! I dont know what more to say bout him, coz honestly we had'nt got too chit chatty in our times as most of the time our mouth would be busy puffing.. and the rest of the times the lips would feel to heavy to talk....! But reflecting back on those times... it was one of the most carefree periods of my life..Not a worry in the world..! Now don't we all wish life was like that...Sigh..!

Whew...a milestone...FINALLY..!!

It was just another day in office...started my computer... sipped a lil water... fired my peon.. checked my emails...logged into S.C.O.F.F...read the same article "Can i Play with Madness" again, wondering at the back of my head whether do other people read this or is it just me and FOS. Rewinding back a few months ago (actually it was more than just a few months ago...) Myself, FOS and MM sitting at Takshila wondering why hasn't the world tapped our creative minds to milk out all the fantastic ideas embedded there...dejected and repuslive towards this cruel world we hit on the brainwave that if the world doesnt come to us, then we shall go to them..and behold S.C.O.F.F. was born. This site was meant to scream out to the world about... who we are... our experiences... our frame of mind...our talent..our passions..our point of views..!!(k.. i think i better stop there..) Months later and 1000 visiters down...it's become just another mode of communication for us three scoffers.!!Yeah ...we have crossed a 1000 visitors .. and dont you misunderstand my casual mention of the 1000 visitors for anyting but pride. Its been a long journey...and visitors or no visitors we still exhuberate a sense of pride in reading our lifes as it passes by, on here. So let me take this opportunity to thank our 1000th visitor Mr/Mz. 98.197.67.#, from North America, Texas, Houston. for his/her blink-n-miss arrival here, courtesy a wrong search result for someone called "Jesu". Let that not dampen our spirit... so what if this person visited us for less than even a second... so what if even MOST our visitors visit us for less then a second...so what if most of the 1000 visitors comprise of just a handful of 3-4 people(read: two)...so what if this blog was dormant at a certain point of time to the extent that we almost forgot its existance....so what if I'm going completely off topic....SO WHAT....!! What matters is that we're here....this blogs here... it injects a lil importance and pride in our otherwise no-one-else-gives-a-****-life....and we are HAPPY..!! So lets drink to this occasion.... like we do in most other occassions..in fact like we do everyday..!!

Here, at the end of this melodramatic speech i would like to take this opportunity to thank a few people and plants ...first being the three duo's including myself who have kept this blog alive whislt all our trials and tribulations, ups and downs, lefts and rights,..you know what i mean...so thanks guys i believe we have done a great job here...leaving something for the future generation who grow up to be like us, to use as an example of what Not to do..! Secondly i would like to thank the builders of Takhsila and Leela business park who have built their respective places which no one else but us use..if it wasnt for these lovely places...hmmm..actually it wouldnt matter coz we would have smoked in the middle of the road if we had to...but nevertheless..they have built us fabulous places in the middle of nowhere and we have used them well..!and i mean reaaaaaaaaaally well...!I would also like to thank Mahesh, obnoxious hash selling fat lady and lungi clad balding grass man, without whom our inpiration would have been incomplete..I would also like to thank our friends far and wide, here and there, everywhere and nowhere, who have played an active role in just being there..! Last and not the least i would like to thank the vada pav wala, choice bakers, superpani-puri wala, sanjay ice-cream parlour, the anna's,shiv sena guys, Harmeet bar and Restaurant, Ticket Restraunt coupon makers, the unicorn sniffing lady, the open spaces of Arey colony, the BABY, blogspot.com, google.com, the graphic designers at TIS, TIS, LM.....(y do i get the feeling that im overdoing this..). On this emotional note..I shall let this moment sink in into each one of us scoffers. Au Revoir my friends..Today this page...Tomorrow the World.!!!!